15 Comments to Avoid When Supporting Someone with Rheumatoid Arthritis

While well-meaning, friends and family often struggle to grasp the realities of living with rheumatoid arthritis (RA). This misunderstanding can lead to comments that may inadvertently hurt those affected by this disease. Here’s a guide on what to avoid saying, along with thoughtful alternatives that foster understanding and compassion.

Understanding RA and Its Impact

Rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic autoimmune condition where the immune system mistakenly attacks the body’s own tissues, primarily affecting joints. Individuals with RA experience varying levels of persistent joint pain, extreme fatigue, and emotional distress. Recognizing the seriousness of their condition is essential.

15 Things You Shouldn't Say & Thoughtful Alternatives

1. "It can't be that bad."

This statement downplays their pain and may imply they are exaggerating. Instead, acknowledge their suffering by saying, "I believe you; it must be really tough." Asking how you can help shows you care.

2. "Have you tried this diet/supplement?"

Simplifying RA to a dietary issue is condescending. Most individuals have already explored various options. A supportive comment would be, "What treatments have you found helpful?"

3. "You look fine!"

Comments on appearance can trivialize the invisible nature of RA. Instead, genuinely compliment them by stating, "You look great, but I know you are dealing with a lot." This validates their experience.

4. "Just push through it."

This implicit suggestion of laziness is hurtful. Replace it with, "I admire how hard you're trying." This offers understanding and encouragement.

5. "You shouldn't be so stressed out."

Stress is often a trigger for RA symptoms. Instead of dismissing their feelings, say, "I understand this is stressful; I’m here to listen if you want to talk."

6. "You just need to rest more."

This can sound dismissive to someone fighting chronic fatigue. A better approach is to say, "How can I support you in managing your day?"

7. "Why can’t you just make plans?"

This seems dismissive of the unpredictability of their condition. Instead, say, "I totally understand if plans need to change. Let’s find another time."

8. "I know how you feel—I've had pain too."

Comparing pain trivializes their experience. Consider saying, "I can’t imagine how hard this is. How can I be there for you?"

9. "Maybe you’re just being lazy today."

This statement is harmful and untrue. Instead, show empathy by saying, "I see you’re having a tough day; it’s okay to take a break."

10. "Have you thought about taking over-the-counter pain relievers?"

Many RA patients have tried these methods without relief. Your support could be, "What treatments are you currently trying to manage your symptoms?"

11. "Don’t focus on it so much."

This is dismissive of their struggle. A supportive alternative is, "It's okay to talk about your feelings. I’m here to listen."

12. "You’re too young to have this."

RA can affect anyone at any age, and comments like this can feel patronizing. Instead, try, "It’s so unfair that you are going through this. How can I help?"

13. "Others have it worse."

This comparison hurts feelings and minimizes their struggles. Choose to say, "Everyone has their battles, and yours are just as important. I’m here to support you."

14. "I’m sure you’ll be fine soon."

While optimistic sentiments are often appreciated, this can come across as dismissive. A more understanding comment could be, "I hope you feel better soon, and I’m here for you during this time."

15. "It’s all in your head."

This statement dismisses the physical reality of RA. A more supportive approach would be, "I understand that it’s both a physical and emotional challenge; I’m here for you."

Final Thoughts

Rheumatoid arthritis is complex and can deeply impact the lives of those affected. Offering support with understanding and compassion is key. By being mindful of our words and asking how we can assist, we foster a more supportive environment.